Marriage

At best, marriage is now seen as a fragile promise. The young people I talk to are afraid of “commitment” because they have seen so little of it from their parents and peers. How can we expect young people to give their hearts and be willing to trust and love, when their own lives have been traumatized, sometimes by multiple losses of family cohesion and stability as their parents marry, divorce, shack-up, move-on, again and again?

Consequently, these frightened but lonely, needy, and somewhat hopeful young adults are shacking-up. Contrary to their hope of finding the right one through this trial period, the statistics show elevated depression and anxiety, infidelity, violence, and a greater rate of breakup inside or out of a marital relationship. Unfortunately, too many children are born into these even more fragile relationships, only to suffer the loss and hurt along with their parents.

In the past, friends who were contemplating divorce, did so out of great angst; alcoholism, abuse, affairs, were the triggers. Nowadays, divorces seem more and more to come out of a sense of entitlement for perpetual glee and satisfaction on all grounds.

The most surprising trend is looking at marriage as barely a “home base” for one’s individual endeavors. What do I mean by this? Your guess is as good as mine.

Some people make it clear that marriage will not stand in the way of their personal endeavors. A husband out there wonders if it would be okay to place their several-month-old child with their in-laws for a year and half or two so that they could get on developing their careers. What the??

Marriage used to be about folks finally learning that the greatest value in life is to be a part of something greater than yourself: family and children. Marriage today is about having some company, for as long as you like it, while you get on with your life. Hmmpft! Pure egotism.