Thoughts About Priorities: Diary of Eve Series

Dear Diary,

Whew! Life has been a whirlwind. It’s been months since I’ve had a chance to sit down and put my thoughts on paper. We hardly have time to breathe these days. The boys are so active; I feel like I spend all my time chasing them around and picking up after them. It’s amazing how fast they can make a mess! They are growing up so quickly – they’ll be gone before we know it. I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity, while they are still young, to play together, to enjoy being together, and to teach them the things that really matter in life.

It’s harvest-time, which is always the busiest time of year for Adam. We don’t get to see a lot of each other these days. I wish we had more time to just sit and talk – about us, about the children, about our future.

With all the activity around here, I haven’t had much time to take walks and talk with God like I used to do. Things were a lot simpler before we had kids. There just aren’t enough hours in each day. I fall into bed exhausted at night, and get up and go through the same routine the next day…and the next…and the next…

I am a woman, I am invincible, I am tired.

Prologue: Diary of Eve Series

Dear Diary,

My head is spinning. I hardly know where to start. The day started out so perfectly – like every other day we’ve ever had. As we always do, Adam and I got up early to take a walk with God. Those walks have always been the highlight of our day.

This morning, no one said anything for a while. We just enjoyed being together. Then God started singing. It was a love song. When He got to the chorus, we started to sing with Him – first, Adam’s deep voice, then I joined in. We sang and sang and sang – songs about love and stars and joy and God. Finally, we all sat down under a big shade tree near the middle of the Garden. We thanked God for being so good; we told Him all we wanted to do was to make Him happy and to find our happiness in Him. It was such a sweet time – it always was when the three of us were together.

I don’t know how to explain what happened next. All of a sudden, we heard a voice we’d never heard before. I turned and there, looking right at me, was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. He talked directly to me. He made me feel important, and I found myself wanting to hear what he had to say.

I’m not sure what happened to God at this point. It wasn’t like He left us. I think I just kind of forgot He was there. In fact, for a while, I forgot Adam was there. I felt as if I were alone with this dazzling, mysterious creature.

The conversation that followed is indelibly etched in my mind. He asked me questions – questions I’d never thought about before. Then he offered me some things I had never had before – things I’d never thought I needed. Independence – from God and from Adam. Position – I had always looked up to God and Adam; this creature said they would look up to me. Knowledge – of mysteries known only to God. Permission – to eat the fruit from the tree in the middle of the Garden.

First, I just listened and looked. In my heart, I pondered, I questioned, I debated. Adam had reminded me many times that God had said we must not eat the fruit from that tree. The creature kept looking into my eyes and talking in that soothing voice. I found myself believing him. It felt so right. Finally, I surrendered. I reached out – cautiously at first, then more boldly. I took. I ate. I handed it to Adam. He ate. We ate together – first me, then him.

Those next moments are a blur. Sensations deep down inside that I’ve never had before. New Awareness – like I know a secret I’m not supposed to know. Elation and Depression – at the same time. Liberation. Prison. Rising. Falling. Confident. Afraid. Ashamed. Dirty. Hiding – I can’t let Him see me like this.

Alone. So very alone. Lost. Deceived.

The Truth Is...

God is good. Psalms 119:68 says so. When the sun is shining and you have money in the bank and you’re healthy and everyone thinks you’re wonderful, it’s not hard to believe that God is good. But when you lose your job or a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness or your church goes through a nasty split or your husband or wife says he/she doesn’t want to be married to you anymore, the Enemy will move in and cause you to question God’s goodness.

The Truth is, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of what we feel, regardless of what we think, God is good, and everything He does is good.

God’s grace is sufficient for me. 2Corinthians 12:9 says so. As a child of God, I will never face a circumstance that exceeds His grace. Where sin abounds, grace does much more abound. When I am weak, He is strong. When I am empty, He is full. When I have no resources of my own left, His resources have not begun to be depleted.

The Truth is, whatever you are going through right now, His grace is sufficient for you. Whatever you will go through tomorrow – or next year or fifty years from now – His grace will be sufficient for you then.

His grace is sufficient to deal with the memories, wounds, and failures of the most scarred or sordid past. His grace is sufficient for a lifetime of singleness or for a half century of marriage to an ungodly man. His grace is sufficient for the single mother trying to raise four children. His grace is sufficient for the woman caring for her elderly parents, for the empty nester, for the man or woman going through the change of life or midlife crisis, for the widow living on Social Security, and for the invalid in a nursing home.

We need to speak the Truth to ourselves; we need to speak it to each other. In every season, in every circumstance, His grace is sufficient. It is sufficient for me; it is sufficient for you!

The Truth is… I am blessed! It’s my birthday! Thank you oh God for giving me life…

I Have a Great Life

I have a great life. It's the best life. It was chosen by myself. Others may seem like they have amazing lives, but mine is really the best and most adequate one for me. I just have to live it proudly, and enjoy each experience, trying to learn from it.

The universe doesn't just plan 1 path. It plans multiple paths, so whichever choices you make in your life (''Take the bus or walk? Or maybe catch a cab?''), there'll be plenty of enriching experiences.

My life is a great life. If someone wants to partake in it, then good for them. But either way I'm still going to continue having a great life.

I'm worthy of love. And I AM LOVED. God and the angels love me unconditionally. And other people are just different reflections of me. I, like them, deserve to be loved.

Other people and me are parts of a whole, the same whole. Therefore, their happiness is also my happiness. When I make people happy, I am making myself happy.

Sometimes we learn from bad experiences. The perfect life does not have only joy. The balance between joy/euphoria/happiness, which keeps me motivated and positive, and emptiness, which helps me grow, is what makes each of our lives an amazing life.

The world is beautiful. Be it summer or winter, the world is amazing. Natural landscapes can be beautiful (from plains, to mountains, lakes, oceans, forests or swamps), but man-made landscapes (cities, villages...) are also incredible. Every landscape is worth looking at. The rain falling, moving clouds, the lights of the city, the stars, the moon, the movement of people and cars, wind shaking the leaves of trees... A different place is a different experience. And even the same place is always different, or feels different on different moments.

Each people I come across interact with my energy. Each person has their own special shine, and I am no exception. I must let my light shine through, instead of being scared of it. If I have a positive mindset, am confident in myself, respect others, and don't let the little tests the universe throws at me put me down, I will attract very good things, and make any environment I partake in much better for me AND for others.

Like stars have their own consciousness, I too have the potential to burn bright and warm like a little star. My own little star. With my own kind of light, and my own kind of gravity.

The Curse

One of my loyal readers, Erick, was fascinated by this concept: “the Fall of Adam and Eve brought to mankind an everlasting curse.” For some of you who are not familiar with this story, once upon a time, a wonderful life was shared by this lovely couple in the Garden of Eden with their Creator.

When the world was young and we were innocent – both man and woman were naked and unashamed. Nothing to hide. Simply… glorious! And while the world was young, a corner was turned. Something happened. Alas!

There are no words. Wail; beat your chest; fall to your knees; let out a long, lonesome howl of bitter remorse. The woman was convinced by the serpent! Just like that. In a matter of moments. Convinced of what? Convinced that God was holding out on her. Convinced that she could not trust Adam’s heart toward her. Convinced that in order to have the best possible life, she must take matters into her own hands. And so she did. She is the first to fall. In disobeying God she also violated her very essence. Eve is supposed to be Adam’s ezer kenegdo, a “help mate,” like one who comes to save. She is to bring him life, invite him to life. Instead, she invited him to his death.

So the curse was inevitable…each of them received it.

To the woman, Eve, he said,

“I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you,”

To the man, Adam, he said,

“Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you.” (Genesis 3:16-18)

To the very least this sounds like a magical tale where a hero emerges and tries to stop the curse from happening.

Sadly, this is no gimmick. This is not anime. It is the truth.

Now, it would be good for us to give careful attention to all that has unfolded in the Garden of Eden – especially the curses God pronounced – for the story explains our lives today, east of Eden.

For one thing, the curse on Adam cannot be limited only to actual thorns and thistles. If that were so, then every man who chooses not to be a farmer gets to escape the curse. Take a white-collar job and you’re scot-free. No, the meaning is deeper and the implications are for every son of Adam. Man is cursed with “futility” and “failure.” Life is going to be hard for a man in the place he will feel it most. Failure is a man’s worst fear.

In just the same way, the curse for Eve and all her daughters cannot be limited only to babies and marriage, for if that were true then every single woman without children gets to escape the curse. Not so. The meaning is deeper and the implications are for every daughter of Eve. Woman is cursed with loneliness (relational heartache), with the urge to control (especially her man), and with the dominance of men (which is not how things were meant to be, and I am not saying it is a good thing – it is the fruit of the Fall and a sad fact of history.)

Women, isn’t it true? Aren’t your deepest worries and heartaches relational – aren’t they connected to someone? Even when things are good, is your vast capacity for intimacy ever filled in a lasting way? There is an emptiness in us that we continually try to feed. And can’t you see how much you need to have things under your control – whether it’s a project, an assigned task or a marriage? Are you comfortable trusting your well-being to someone else? And haven’t you felt “this is a man’s world,” made your vulnerability as a woman to be a liability? We are not “inviting” a man to like us – we are guarded. Most of our energy is spent trying to hide our true selves, and control our worlds to have some sense of security.

When a man goes bad, as every man has in some way gone bad after the Fall, what is most deeply marred is his strength. He either becomes passive, weak man – strength surrendered – or he becomes a violent, driven man – strength unglued.

When a woman falls from grace, what is most deeply marred is her tender vulnerability, beauty that invites to life. She becomes a dominating, controlling woman – or a desolate, needy, mousy woman. Or some odd combination of both, depending on her circumstances.

Know your curse.

All Is Well

One day before my birthday in 2007, I wrote this poem. I stumbled upon it today and it made me smile. There's this giddiness in my heart that transcends through the eternity of it's deepest abyss. I read it over and over. And while reading, my brain was on multi-task mode, thinking of what I have gone through in such a span of time. Let me now share this poem to you...

ALL IS WELL - Kristin Shimizu

April 30, 2007

My present seems unstable, the future I can’t tell.
The pressures of life toss me to and fro, as if I’m going through hell.
But down, deep in my spirit, I hear a voice saying, "all is well."
Heartaches, despair, and dismay are on the Increase;
War is constant, there seems to be no peace.

Love, joy, happiness, and my finance are on the decrease.
My life seems so short as if it will soon seize.
But down, deep in my spirit I hear a voice saying, “all is well.”
I was on the verge of backsliding, from grace I fell.
Life seems so confusing, I couldn’t add nor spell.

It is said after a storm there is calm.
But in my situation after my storm, tornados,
earthquakes and hurricanes, batter me from side to side.
All of life’s pain, I almost lost my mind,
I was sure I was going insane.

I felt tormented as if I was under a spell.
But I kept hearing the voice saying, “all is well.”

I stop; I pause, eject, rewind, fast forward and play.
But it was if I was dumbstruck, I didn’t know what to say.
I felt absent from GOD, not reading my bible,
No fasting, much less to pray.

I cut and paste, edit, enter then delete.
No money, no supermarket, nothing to eat.
But I kept hearing the voice saying, “all is well.”
My situation seems ever worse; it was dark like midnight.
I felt sad and fearful, I was overwhelmed with fright.
The enemy thought I was defeated; No victory for me in sight.

Then suddenly, I heard a sound!
The abundance of rain.
I felt an outpour of the oil of joy, for all my mourning and pain.
My visions became a reality; my nightmares were out of sight.
My steps were ordered again, the outcome was right.

Yesterday all seems lost, but my tomorrow looks bright.
All this was possible because of The Light.

He is the voice that beckons to you and me, “all is well.”

“All that I brought you through, was for Information to be gained,
and a message to tell.
Go, say to the world, that without Me your all is not well.
I Am The First and The Last, Beginning and The End.
Well done my good and faithful servant
Your all is well.”

Everybody is Free to Wear Sunscreen

One of the tough realities a growing child has to face as he/she matures is that they are not the center of the universe. It’s easy for a small child to feel that he or she is the center of the universe when every gurgle and scribble is oohed and ahhed about by parents and relatives. The first time that their kindergarten teacher tells them they can’t take that crayon away from Mary, or that Johnny gets to go first, or that their drawing needs work, children recognize that life is a cooperative effort.

Some don’t give up being the center of the universe easily, and getting attention and becoming the focus of others takes on many forms – some healthy, some not. It’s all a matter of degree and balance. Some become entertaining, or even entertainers. Some become “needed,” some become utterly dependent, some become perpetually ill, and so forth.

All in all, the “I must be in the spotlight” mentality generally brings darkness to the family.

It is important to watch that ego! The ego-trap is an easy one for people to fall into. Being good at something makes one feel important – that too often leads to a sense of entitlement – that moves right into a sense of superiority – and that collapses relationships.

So, is everybody free to wear sunscreen?

You bet!

Yana, thanks for showing this video to me. Now I think it is too late for me to use sunscreen. Besides, I'm allergic to it. Poor me.