Thoughts About God: Diary of Eve Series

Dear Diary,

I am so confused. Yesterday morning, I was so sure about a lot of things. Now I don’t know who – or what – to believe. I’ve never had reason to doubt that God loved me. I had a thousand reasons to believe He was good. I never wondered if He was telling us the truth. I trusted Him. I believed what He said.

Now, for some reason, He doesn’t seem like the same God who walked and talked and sang with us every morning. If he is so good, why didn’t He stop me from talking to the Serpent or eating the fruit? Why did He make the fruit look so good? Why did He put that tree there, anyway? And why did He care if we ate that fruit?

He seems so far away. I’m afraid of Him. He said we would die if we ate from that tree. That seems like an awfully harsh punishment – hardly seems fair – especially for a first offense. Today, He told us to leave Eden. Why couldn’t He have given us a second chance? Does He really care what happens to us?

This whole thing is such a mess. Can’t God do something?

Prologue: Diary of Eve Series

Dear Diary,

My head is spinning. I hardly know where to start. The day started out so perfectly – like every other day we’ve ever had. As we always do, Adam and I got up early to take a walk with God. Those walks have always been the highlight of our day.

This morning, no one said anything for a while. We just enjoyed being together. Then God started singing. It was a love song. When He got to the chorus, we started to sing with Him – first, Adam’s deep voice, then I joined in. We sang and sang and sang – songs about love and stars and joy and God. Finally, we all sat down under a big shade tree near the middle of the Garden. We thanked God for being so good; we told Him all we wanted to do was to make Him happy and to find our happiness in Him. It was such a sweet time – it always was when the three of us were together.

I don’t know how to explain what happened next. All of a sudden, we heard a voice we’d never heard before. I turned and there, looking right at me, was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. He talked directly to me. He made me feel important, and I found myself wanting to hear what he had to say.

I’m not sure what happened to God at this point. It wasn’t like He left us. I think I just kind of forgot He was there. In fact, for a while, I forgot Adam was there. I felt as if I were alone with this dazzling, mysterious creature.

The conversation that followed is indelibly etched in my mind. He asked me questions – questions I’d never thought about before. Then he offered me some things I had never had before – things I’d never thought I needed. Independence – from God and from Adam. Position – I had always looked up to God and Adam; this creature said they would look up to me. Knowledge – of mysteries known only to God. Permission – to eat the fruit from the tree in the middle of the Garden.

First, I just listened and looked. In my heart, I pondered, I questioned, I debated. Adam had reminded me many times that God had said we must not eat the fruit from that tree. The creature kept looking into my eyes and talking in that soothing voice. I found myself believing him. It felt so right. Finally, I surrendered. I reached out – cautiously at first, then more boldly. I took. I ate. I handed it to Adam. He ate. We ate together – first me, then him.

Those next moments are a blur. Sensations deep down inside that I’ve never had before. New Awareness – like I know a secret I’m not supposed to know. Elation and Depression – at the same time. Liberation. Prison. Rising. Falling. Confident. Afraid. Ashamed. Dirty. Hiding – I can’t let Him see me like this.

Alone. So very alone. Lost. Deceived.