Single Women

It might be encouraging to point out that Mary, Rahab, Ruth and Tamar (Bible women) were all single when the story of their greatness was told. They are such powerful reminders that this greatness, this beauty, can be lived out as a single woman. They also stand in stark contrast to some of the messages of “purity” given single women today. As one of my “still single” friends put it, “I am afraid that I and numerous other women have interpreted womanly purity as completely-ignore-the-man-you-are-interested-in until he proposes to you.”

And why, then, would he propose to you?

Of course a woman should be alluring to the man she is attracted to. A smile, a tenderness, an interest in him and his life are natural and welcome. To look your best; awaken him to your presence. Yes, you can offer beauty to him – in gently increasing amounts as he pursues and comes closer. And yes, there are parts of you that should be held as mysteries until he fully commits, and you offer yourself to him on your wedding night. Don’t offer everything, but don’t offer nothing.

How much, and when? That is more than I can say in a blog. Walk with God. Be a wise and discerning woman. Be aware of the issues that could cause you to hold back or give too much. Be aware of the issues in him that could cause him to look to you for his validation or become paralyzed. Invite, arouse, and maintain your personal integrity.

There is an emotional promiscuity I’ve noticed among many good young men and women. The young man understands something of the journey of the heart. He wants to talk, to “share the journey.” The woman is so grateful to be pursued, she opens up. They share the intimacies of their lives – their wounds, their walks with God. But he never commits. He enjoys her… then leaves. And she wonders, “What did I do wrong?” She failed to see his passivity. He really did not ever commit or offer assurances that he would.

Be careful you do not offer too much of yourself to a man until you have good, solid evidence that he is a strong man willing to commit. Look at his track record with other women. Is there anything to be concerned about there? If so, bring it up. Also, does he have any close male friends – and what are they like as men? Can he hold down a job? Is he walking with God in a real and intimate way? Is he facing the wounds of his own life, and is he also demonstrating a desire to repent from passivity and/or violence? Is he headed somewhere with his life?

A lot of questions, but your heart is a treasure and you want to offer it only to a man who is worthy and ready to handle it well.

Graphics by Mike Olaya