Getting Un-Petty

“When someone hurts you, it is not always you that is the cause. Sometimes we look on the external too much, but today God has taught me that I need my focus not on the offense but on the ‘crying heart’ of the offender. They have their own brokenness that they see in you which makes a door for them to be unkind to you. Thank You Lord for this, what a very important and beautiful lesson.” -- Ara G.

I just had to click that “Like” button on facebook. I agree with Ara.

Many of the ideas in this blog have outlined the means by which people have gotten a grip on their pettiness.

So how does one become un-petty? Here are some ideas.

Pray more often. Prayer is not only calming, it is humbling and reminds you of your obligations to others. Since much of pettiness is ultimately anchored in a self-centered view of the world, spirituality helps you broaden your awareness and perspective. Pettiness is “self-focused” and is an opposite focus of spirituality. God’s laws are about compassion, understanding, obligations, consequences, patience, meaningfulness, and holiness. These concepts are bigger than any one of us and require giving of oneself in humility. So many people find this approach enlightening, exhilarating, and transcendent. It helps you with the bigger picture.

If it’s that important to you – you do it! I have told many people that instead of nitpicking others to death about how something must be done, do it yourself. Take responsibility over those things that you cannot seem to be flexible on. Perhaps if you then find yourself so overburdened, you’ll realize that doing it yourself is not the best or only way to go about things. Consider that it isn’t a choice between just “your way” or the “wrong way”; it’s “your way” and somebody’s else’s “your way,” which is just a different way; take the “wrong” part out. Whew, did I just confuse you there?

Teamwork is part of the blessing of a relationship. It is a far, far better thing you do to find ways to solve problems and grapple with issues as a team, rather than alone. It’s this teamwork that solidifies relationships; the mutual dependency will make you close. People too often forget that mutual dependency breeds a familiarity of affection that cannot easily be broken by gray hairs or an interloper. I've lost some friends because those "others" wouldn't want me to be a part of their team.

Risk not being perfect. Perfectionists care about how they look. Have fun being silly. Loosen up! Being a knucklehead helps most of the time when you need those giggles.

Communicate. We all heard about this. Communication is the most important element in relationship. Communication avoids assumptions and misunderstandings. Ultimately, it is better to know the truth of where you stand and how others experience you (as painful as those truths sometimes are) because it gives you the power to grow and it gives them the knowledge they need to love you more.

Stifle yourself. Sometimes it’s wise just to shut up. This is probably one of the more difficult anti-pettiness techniques – I know it is for me. When your stress level is high and you have so much to do, it’s tough not to lash out at anything that appears to add to your strain. Learn to use that moment to solicit support, not strike out in frustration. Mr. and Ms. Quiet comes in handy when you're not in the mood to click "Like" on your friend's facebook wall.

Basically, the cure for pettiness is working harder to treat your loved one or friends as though you love them. This one is self-explanatory.

Special thanks to Mike Olaya for the graphics. It has nothing to do with the topic, I was just being un-petty.