Shut Your Mouth!

Without gossip, much of human conversation would cease and Quiet would rule the land. What some people don’t get is what gossip entails. E! and the Kardashians and any reality TV are largely gossip. Yes even “Attack of the Show” is gossip. The tabloids major in gossip. Much of what passes for news is gossip. The internet is filled with gossip, specially in “chat rooms.” And a lot of what people talk about to each other under the umbrella of conversation is gossip.

People even gossip to themselves. Wall posts on facebook can be controversial and appear as gossip. I frankly don’t understand why people write disturbing, unflattering, scandalous things on virtual walls if they don’t intend someone to read them. So often, in reading those posts, it sounds more like a place to air things that ought to be disciplined, or an opportunity to vent the ugliest, weakest, most unfortunate parts of ourselves -- our thoughts and feelings. Perhaps that’s the venue of spiritual or psychological counseling – where at least the venting is toward growth or depth of understanding of oneself.

I have harped endlessly on how folks should not share their problems and complaints concerning each other with mutual friends or family. That’s right, your mother and siblings are reading your wall posts! They are likely simply to side with you – so much for an unbiased sounding board. Meanwhile, you’ve breached the sanctity of friendships, partnerships and serious relationships, having painted a one-sided portrait of “the-people-you- hate-but-love-to-scandalize.”

There were countless folks who regretted telling friends and family their gripes and problems in their relationships because after that relationship normalized again, friends and family were still polarized, rejecting, critical, even hostile to that person and the renewed relationship.

One facebooker writes on her wall…

“to mirabotz friends...
almost a yr & a half ago you watched me fell inlove then sadly & abruptly I was torn to pieces publicly when he ended it by his status update of a new relationship. It sucks, it hurts and it makes me want to retaliate. But no, there will be no public laundry-airing, instead I'm putting a closure ...on this relationship with poise and dignity. So to you Botz, kampay! I wish you the best!”

A practical and broad-reaching recommendation is this: That is to refrain from discussing personal matters with uninvolved parties. We women are certainly prone to spilling our guts out to each other for little to no reason. Futile! I’ve always regarded it as a form of dishonesty to tell half-truths of any kind.

Personally, I am now reduced to sharing only the most benign and anemic bits of information about my life. Before I became a blogger, I admit, the more I told them about myself, the more needy I appeared. No explanation could convince them of my sanity once their sage advice had been given. I failed to take into the account the destructive potential of an idle tongue.

Therein lies yet another problem in “sharing” personal information: When the advice isn’t taken, then you have trouble.