All God's children have problems.Big problems or many problems certainly cut into our sense of feeling happy.Even then, sharing burdens with your partner, friends, family, rather than taking out our unhappiness on them, is, of itself, a kind of happiness.Perhaps the perspective we most need in times of strife is to realize that even this seeming major catastrophe is “a small bump on the road to eternity.”
Neither you nor your relationship is or will be perfect.That should not stop you from doing the caring, thoughtful, brave, and compassionate things you need to, to bring pleasure into the lives of your family.And that should not stop you from enjoying the value of what you are privileged and blessed to have – if you would only see it that way.
If you’re not happy, try behaving as though you were – see how that lightens life up for you, your partner, your friends and your family, and how that feeds back, lighting up the world.
It is amazing to hear from people who criticize their friend or partner as boring. Actually it means that all relationships can get boring. But it’s often not the usual suspect (the other person) that is the problem. The fact is that bored people are usually boring. They just blame it on others and circumstance.
That’s why people get so shocked and annoyed when I tell them that if they’re bored they better become more interesting rather than demand that of their partner or friends. It works, trust me.
What could unbore you? Uhm, let me see, oh yes – giving! Bored people don’t usually give. They are drawn to themselves and then become suckers of attention. Entertaining every inch of “me.”
When babies are born, they are the center of their own universe; even their mother’s breast is seen as an extension of themselves. It is a wonder and shock for them to discover that there are other people, with opinions, desires, demands, expectations, power, and personality. When we grow into adults we supposedly have learned to navigate in the world of “others” and to get along with people, using skills we’ve developed along the way.
Sometimes we get stuck in the “me” mode and forget there is a universe of others out there. Sometimes all we need is a little nudge as a reminder. Sometimes we need a big smack upside our heads.
Here are some expressions of that lesson learned:
It’s not that you’re always wrong, it’s that I’m always right.
We’re not fighting, you are!
If we all do everything my way we’ll all be very happy.
It’s my life, isn’t it?
It seems such a difficult task for so many to realize that happiness and love are not gotten by force of will, nor are they automatically granted simply because you show up. The greatest amount of getting is through giving. If you take care of the ones you love, even when you’re hurting or not in the mood or they’ve done something to annoy you, it not only shows love, it primes them to be more giving. Try giving a little bit of yourself today and see what happens. You might even discover that giving lots gets so much back.
