Flip a Coin Instead

One “unmarried” male reader asked me what my thoughts were about sex. Immediately the bipolarity of highs and lows made me think that perhaps this was the ultimate satisfaction he can get in keeping his relationship on the go. Spank me for thinking rude.

So what do I think of sex?

Here it goes.

I think the sexual revolution promised sex free of commitment and responsibilities, promiscuity without judgement, and intercourse without conception (the birth control pill with an abortion chaser) – just self-centered pleasure seeking.

I also think that the feminist movement taught us (both men and women) that this was all a good thing. “When women are freed from the shackles of morality, modesty, and marriage, then orgasms would be more frequent and more explosive.” Do you think I would really believe that? What actually happened was the loss of courtship, romance, chivalry, falling in love, commitment, and marriage. It does not appear that most women are particularly happy. The price for this liberation was so profound and personally devastating.

Sex has become a kind of sport for both men and women. Where once, a pregnancy precipitated assuming responsibilities, today men easily walk away as women are left with their freedom of abortions and unmarried parenthood. It is ironic that there is still such an emphasis on criticizing deadbeat dads for walking away, when an aborting mother is not seen as a deadbeat mom, though her decision actually brings death upon the scene. Sheesh! What’s the big deal about deadbeat dads when women can get sperm from a bank or an unsuspecting sexual partner and, like many movie TV celebrities, just be a “single mom” with no criticism? Sounds like women are speaking out of two sides of their mouths like two sides of a coin.

And what about “safe” sex?

There isn’t any.

The epitome of intimacy, the union of men and women in pleasure and procreation is anything but safe because it is a leap of trust. Forget the STDs, abortions, and the unfortunate illegitimate children, and think of the repetitive hurts of “serial monogamy” and the ultimate loneliness and emptiness that follow sex without context.

What do YOU think about sex?

Cooking with Fire: What Makes Food Sexy?

Ask a woman who has been hand-fed plump, perfect, luscious strawberries if she believes in the aphrodisiac powers of food, and you’re likely to get an enthusiastic YES! But ask a scientist about aphrodisiacs, and she will probably roll her eyes.

Indeed, there’s no scientific proof that aphrodisiacs – substances purported to increase sexual desire – do any such thing. But over the course of history, food has always been linked with love. And virtually every food has at one time or another been considered an aphrodisiac. But certain foods, such as oysters, figs, chocolate, asparagus, and peppers, have long been reputed to send the sex drive into high gear.

Aphrodisiac foods heighten or awaken your senses. Take honey. The way it looks, the way it tastes, the way it feels on your tongue. It’s sticky. It’s drippy. It’s sexy.

Want to use food to woo the one you love? Here are some suggestions, but feel free to use your own creativity to enhance and guide you into blissful and explosive encounters.

Give a fig. Figs are a very sensual fruit; in fact, the ancient Greeks ate them at their orgies. You might just slice open a fresh fig, put it on a pretty plate and hand-feed it to your partner. The sensual aspects of the food do the seducing for you. It’s practically guaranteed to work.

Create the right setting. How you serve food is as important as what you serve. You can’t sit under fluorescent lighting, using paper plates, and expect an aphrodisiac to work. So dim the lights. Use beautiful linens and your best china and silverware. And eat in bed, if possible. And, if you drink, a nice wine helps things along.

Match the aphrodisiac to the moment. Love isn’t hot and sexy all the time. Sometimes love is comforting and sweet. Aphrodisiacs are the same way. A mug of hot chocolate can be an aphrodisiac; so can a plate of raw oysters. But both are potent, and both have their place.

Double up. Try to see how many aphrodisiacs you can sneak into one meal. For example, you might serve a generous helping of asparagus at dinner. Add fresh basil (a common, but little-known aphrodisiac) to a garden salad. And then serve fresh figs drizzled with honey for dessert.

Think beyond your stomach. Food with aphrodisiac powers don’t necessarily need to be eaten. In other works, think of other uses for honey and chocolate drippings.

Cook up something together. Preparing food is itself a seduction. Meals from the drive-up window, on the other hand, are not. Taking time to cook for or with someone say “I love you. I care about you. You’re worth my time.” And time is so precious, what bigger turn-on could there be?

When it comes to aphrodisiacs, folklore abounds. Yet some foods that have been used traditionally as aphrodisiacs are rich in substances the body needs to function at its sexual peek. Here comes the geeky food trivia section (or food facts?).

Asparagus: According to medieval lore, boiling and eating this light-green, slender stalk three days in a row will stir “bodily luste” in both men and women. Aside from the obvious phallic implications, practitioners of Chinese medicine consider asparagus a tonic for the kidneys. According to Chinese medicine, it is the kidneys that regulate the libido, suggesting that what is good for the kidneys is good for the bedroom.

Chocolate. The Aztec emperor Montezuma drank 50 glasses of honey-sweetened chocolate a day to sustain his virility. Chocolate is rich in the amino acid phenylalanine, which increases the brain’s level of the neuropeptide phenylethylamine (PEA), a natural amphetamine-like stimulant that may increase the urge to have sex.

Figs. The ancient Greeks and Romans ate them before every orgy. They contain magnesium, a mineral needed to produce sex hormones.

Honey. The word honeymoon was coined in ancient Europe, where newlyweds built up their sexual stamina with mead – honey wine – during the first month of their marriage. Honey provides the body with an easily digested and absorbed source of energy.

Oysters. These shellfish are rich in the mineral zinc, a key ingredient to testosterone production and, hence, sexual performance for both men and women. Zinc is also found in foods not frequently associated with aphrodisiacs such as legumes, pumpkin and sunflower seed, garlic and spinach.

There you have it folks. Married geeks and nerds, do a little experimenting with your spouse. However, I wouldn’t recommend this to single ladies and gentlemen. We don’t need unwanted pregnancies do we?

How Does A Woman Love A Man?

Let’s start with sex.

Not because “it’s all men think about” (as many a cynical woman has said), but because it presents the relationship between femininity and masculinity in such a clear way. It is a beautiful and rich metaphor, a very passionate and heightened picture for a much broader reality. The question before us is, “How does a woman best love a man?”

The answer is simple: seduce him.

Think of a woman on her wedding night. She dims the lights and puts on a silky something that accentuates the loveliness of her body, reveals the beauty of her naked form, yet also leaves something yet to be unveiled. She puts on perfume and lipstick and checks her hair. She allures her man. She hopes to arouse him and invite him to come to her and enter her. In an act of stunning vulnerability she takes life’s greatest risk – offering her unveiled beauty to him, opening herself up to him in every way.

And as for her man, if he does not rise to the occasion, nothing will happen. There will be no consummation of love, no life conceived unless the man is able to offer his strength to his woman. That is how we make love. Femininity is what arouses his masculinity. His strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful.

It’s that simple, that beautiful, that mysterious, and incredibly profound.

The beauty of a woman is what arouses the strength of a man. He wants to play the man when a woman acts like that. You can’t hold him back. He wants to come through. And this desire is crucial. Don’t you want him to want to come through for you? Not to be forced to, not because he “ought to.” But because he wants to come through. Well, then, arouse his desire. In any facet of life.

Can you imagine what it would be like if a young bride took the approach toward her new husband that so many women take in other matters? Imagine her getting out her Daytimer and asking, “When would you like to have sex this week?” (The Efficient Woman.) Or commenting to her new husband, “I suppose you’ll want to have sex tonight. Let’s get it over with early – I have a lot to do in the morning.” (The Busy Woman.) Or the more direct challenge, “That was a pretty poor performance last night. You wanna try it again?” (The Demanding Woman.)

You get the idea. Your message to your man is either, “Sugar, you have what it takes,” or, “I don’t think you are much of a man. Want to prove me wrong?” The same is true for a woman. Your heart responds very differently to the “pressure” to be beautiful, “You’re going out in that?” as opposed to the “assurance” that you are beautiful, “Sweetheart, you look so lovely tonight.” A woman wants to feel beautiful. The strength of a good man makes her feel so. A man wants to feel strong. The beauty of a good woman makes him feel so.

Isn't It Delicious?

Oh gee, I find this tid part of a Manilyn Monroe film quite fascinating. The scene starts with a couple coming out of a movie theater. They just saw “The Creature From the Black Lagoon”. Then steamy dialogues came after that. Ok, no spoilers… just watch!