The Cinderella Syndrome

The story of Cinderella turns upon an invitation.

Up until the moment that the courier from the Palace arrives at her door, Cinderella’s life seems set in stone. She will always be a washerwoman, a cellar girl. Her enemies will forever have the upper hand. She will live a life of enduring disappointments, though she will suffer them nobly. No other life seems possible. This is her fate. Then, word from the Prince arrives – an invitation to a ball. It is at this point that all hell breaks loose. Her longings are awakened. Her enemies become enraged. And her life is never the same.

How gracious that it comes by invitation. As a woman, I realized, I don’t need to strive or arrange; I don’t need to make it happen. I only need to respond. Granted – Cinderella’s response took immense courage, courage that came only out of a deep desire to find the life her heart knew it was meant for. She wanted to go. But it took steadfastness to press through her fears just to get to the ball. It took courage not to abandon all hope even after she danced with the Prince. She ran back to the cellar, as we all do. But she became the woman she was born to be, and the kingdom was never the same. It is a beautiful fairytale.

How do you respond to your Lover’s invitation?

The invitations of our Prince come to us in all sorts of ways. Your heart itself, as a woman, is an invitation. An invitation delivered in the most intimate and personalized way. Your Lover has written something on your heart. It is a call to find a life of Romance and to protect that love affair as your most precious treasure. A call to cultivate the beauty you hold inside, and to unveil your beauty on behalf of others. And it is a call to adventure, to become the “help mate” the world desperately needs you to be.

How Does A Woman Love A Man?

Let’s start with sex.

Not because “it’s all men think about” (as many a cynical woman has said), but because it presents the relationship between femininity and masculinity in such a clear way. It is a beautiful and rich metaphor, a very passionate and heightened picture for a much broader reality. The question before us is, “How does a woman best love a man?”

The answer is simple: seduce him.

Think of a woman on her wedding night. She dims the lights and puts on a silky something that accentuates the loveliness of her body, reveals the beauty of her naked form, yet also leaves something yet to be unveiled. She puts on perfume and lipstick and checks her hair. She allures her man. She hopes to arouse him and invite him to come to her and enter her. In an act of stunning vulnerability she takes life’s greatest risk – offering her unveiled beauty to him, opening herself up to him in every way.

And as for her man, if he does not rise to the occasion, nothing will happen. There will be no consummation of love, no life conceived unless the man is able to offer his strength to his woman. That is how we make love. Femininity is what arouses his masculinity. His strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful.

It’s that simple, that beautiful, that mysterious, and incredibly profound.

The beauty of a woman is what arouses the strength of a man. He wants to play the man when a woman acts like that. You can’t hold him back. He wants to come through. And this desire is crucial. Don’t you want him to want to come through for you? Not to be forced to, not because he “ought to.” But because he wants to come through. Well, then, arouse his desire. In any facet of life.

Can you imagine what it would be like if a young bride took the approach toward her new husband that so many women take in other matters? Imagine her getting out her Daytimer and asking, “When would you like to have sex this week?” (The Efficient Woman.) Or commenting to her new husband, “I suppose you’ll want to have sex tonight. Let’s get it over with early – I have a lot to do in the morning.” (The Busy Woman.) Or the more direct challenge, “That was a pretty poor performance last night. You wanna try it again?” (The Demanding Woman.)

You get the idea. Your message to your man is either, “Sugar, you have what it takes,” or, “I don’t think you are much of a man. Want to prove me wrong?” The same is true for a woman. Your heart responds very differently to the “pressure” to be beautiful, “You’re going out in that?” as opposed to the “assurance” that you are beautiful, “Sweetheart, you look so lovely tonight.” A woman wants to feel beautiful. The strength of a good man makes her feel so. A man wants to feel strong. The beauty of a good woman makes him feel so.