The Past

The hardest thing to do is to look into a mirror with 100x enlargement – nobody cares to see their pores that big! It takes a lot of courage to face that, and I applaud a friend, for telling me some of her grueling past. One hour and a half of “our” past.

My first husband lied to me constantly for five years. His lies caused great pain to me and others and even got him in serious trouble with the law. My current husband is very honest, and I know deep down I can trust him totally, but when he answers my questions my immediate thought deep down is I wonder if he is telling the truth. He has proved my fears wrong time and time again. How do I stop my immediate feelings?

Obviously, I do not want a déja vu experience – but I create it in my mind with the excuse that I’ve been there and don’t want to be there again. That’s the irony – I create my worst fear. So here I am, finally married to a good guy, messing up the relationship because I am stuck in reverse gear.

So, how do you stop your immediate feelings? You don’t, is the answer. When you choose to not act on them by questioning him, checking up on him, being hostile toward him, or punishing him, all for nothing, then you automatically diminish the power of those feelings.

My husband made it clear this morning, “Hun, I would never do something to hurt you,” was what he said. I know I just have to believe this because the truth is, he never did anything to hurt me. The problem was me. I allowed myself to succumb to negative thoughts and look where it got me – nowhere. Oh wait, it led me somewhere – the past!