ASSumption vs. Communication

Some people are just too sensitive. Listen, I’m not sniffing my nose at sensitivity. Without it we all become concerned only with ourselves. It is sensitivity that tunes us in to others. When that sensitivity is turned on maximum, we sometimes become concerned only with ourselves. The surefire way to modulate that necessary sensitivity is through communication.

I still am ferociously amazed at how willing so many folks are to react, condemn, and annihilate, and how many of those same folks are absolutely struck dumb when it is suggested they actually check to make sure their reactions are warranted. “Don’t shoot ‘til you see the whites of their eyes,” could be translated into “Don’t shoot ‘til you hear it from their lips.”

One of the most significant dimensions of being an adult is to recognize that the world does not rotate around you or me or any one person as an axis. We are all on the spinning globe together. Everyone else has a life. Communication is the only means we have of bridging that natural gap. Without communication we only have assumptions. And you know what assumptions usually make of us? Check out the first three letters of the word assumption for the answer.

It is sad that miscommunication exists as a problem. It is ugly if there’s no direct communication at all. It is uglier and a serious problem when one person expects the other to mind-read and gets angry when he or she doesn’t even “know” the real deal.

Communication is the most important key to just about every interpersonal problem. Perception, that is, how a person uniquely sees and interprets an event or comment, can make or break a relationship or friendship. Perception is the twin of Assumption. Their powers are destructive.

Not all communication is done the “right way.” And not everything that comes out of your mouth, under the supposed banner of communication, ought to come out.

Here lies an important point: What are the limits of communication? The limit is when you get abusive, hurtful, nasty, sarcastic, cutting, threatening, and… well…you know from the experience of being on the receiving and giving end how that can go.

You need instead to communicate with information, praise, helpfulness, coming from a place of love, not from a place of selfishness or pettiness.

And while open, honest, and sensitive communication is a necessary antidote to building a mountain of resentments from a molehill of petty complaints, sometimes the river of frustration can’t be permanently dammed up.

There is an opportune time in one’s life to seek intervention. When our personality and behavior is destructive and repetitive, it is time for us to take some responsibility; not just because we’re driving someone else crazy, but because who needs to live each day with that constant trickle of paranoia? In fact, we have an obligation to bring our best selves to our relationships or friendships – that may require a diet, spiritual guidance, more baths, and psychotherapeutic treatment.

My psychological and counseling service is free to anyone who reads this blog.

Come and talk to me.

Communicate!